Sunflowers, Waiting

Sunflowers, Waiting

I first met Danial at my mother's funeral. Torrents of tears were flowing fast and free down my cheeks as mom's words are still warm at my ears.

"Danice must be happy. Then, mom will be able to rest in peace,"

The next second mom's eyes fluttered to a close and her hand dangled from the pure white hospital bed. I could only sob loudly for mom to come back, even though I knew that she never would.

I slumped onto the floor against mom's coffin, crying too hard to even to speak. Drop by drop, my tears fell to the floor, forming little puddles.

Dad was a businessman and he was always flying around the world. I was scared to face an empty house. I dreaded the prospect of living in the huge empty house all alone, without mom's smiles greeting me when I came back from school, nor her familiar jasmine scent floating around the house.

Then, he appeared, magically bringing out a sunflower from his pocket.

"For you."

I took it from his hands, allowing the coolness of the stem to soothe my wounded heart. He smiled, patted my head and whispered gently,"This is a sunflower. It signifies strength and courage, so you have to be strong as a sunflower, understand?"

Sticking out his pinky, he beamed and suggested, "Let's make a promise. You must me like the sunflower. You must not be tainted with any sorrow or sadness. Face the sun and smile instead!"

I stared at him in a daze. Slowly, I stuck my pinky and we made a little pinky promise, with the warm rays of dusk as out witness.

From that day onward, I would not cry.
From that day onward, I would smile.
From that day onward, he became my only source of support.

***

I leaned against the window, listening intently to the silent cries of the rain.

Dad would never be able to bring me happiness. What I really needed was company, not tons of pocket money.

It was my birthday, and i thought that I shouldn't be lonely with the rain as accompaniment. Yet, the tears just wouldn't stop as I listened to the rhythmic pitter-patter of the rain.

"Ding! Dong!"

I ran to get the doorbell, and what came face to face with me was a gigantic cake with the words 'Happy Birthday, Danice' scrawled on it in cream. Then, Danial appeared in front of me, his lips stretched into a goofy grin. Happiness inundated me at that moment, so suddenly, and so quickly.

Patting my head, Danial said, "Happy birthday, stupid,"

I felt a tingling sensation in my eyes as I held back the tears that were threatening to fall. No, Danice, you must not cry. You made a promise with Danial to smile. Stretching my mouth to its biggest, I gave him the widest smile I could muster.

It was just me and him. Me and him alone, in the whole wide world.

"You must be more obedient not that you're older."
"Stupid, you must be happier, understand?"
"You must always smiles blissfully."

"Oh hey look, the rain had stopped!"

I turned back in surprise. Indeed, the sun was once again radiating warmth to the earth. Standing on tiptoe, I lifted my hand to feel the sun's rays, and I felt closer to the paradise of happiness. Allowing the sun to kiss my cherry pink lips, I replied, "Yes, I'll do whatever you say."

I remembered every single thing that he had said to me.

His words were like the sunlight, penetrating deep onto my heart. Holding on to the rays of the sun, I spent my summer lazing around in bliss.

***

I dragged Danial into the florist one fine spring, despite his adamant protests.

"Danice, I am a guy! I don't go into flower shops!"

"Guess."

"Hmm?"

"Guess why am I bringing you to here."

He smacked me on the head and stuck out his tongue.

"Pfft. Just tell me."

I grabbed a packet of sunflower seeds in reply. After paying at the counter, we went outside the shop and basked in the warmth of the spring sun.

"Do you still remember our promise?" I inquired, a sweet smile on my lips. "You told me to keep on smiling, just like the sunflower."

He sucked in his breath sharply, fervently searching that piece of memory in his memory bank. He looked at me and sighed.

"Yes, I do. You're really grown up, Danice,"

I kept quiet.

Danial, I really wanted to be the one and only sunflower in your heart.

That day, we plowed some unwanted field and planted the prestigious sunflower seeds.

Danial giggled secretly after stealing a look at me. I know I must have looked pretty embarrassing with my hair messy as a chicken coop and my cloth covered in soil.

Then I had this absolutely awesome idea. Grabbing a handful of soil, I smeared it all over Danial's face. Looking at his flabbergasted face covered in soil, I laughed till my sides hurt and commented, "You definitely look more handsome like this!"

He looked at me, exasperated, till my laughter died down and silence hang uncomfortably in the air.

"Let's come to visit the sunflowers after three years."

"That's for sure," he replied, wiping the soil away from his face.

***

One day, I realized that even the jovial Danial had begun to sigh and mope around the house.

My heart dropped along with his mood too. Because of him, I even lost my appetite.

I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked him as he was laying motionlessly on the cement floor. Is he crazy or something.

"I... fell in love with a girl," he answered numbly, not even bothering to open his eyes.

All of a sudden, my heart was submerged in a sea of tears. It was suffocating, and the deep gasps that O took didn't help to ease its ache. There seemed to be a shard knife, brutally digging its way through my heart and it was bleeding profusely.

W-was that love for Danial?

Covering my ears, I ran away from the motionless figure.

I don't want to hear the truth.

***

It was the day of mom's death anniversary.

Dad was too busy to come back as usual, hence, I dragged Danial along with me to visit mom's grave.

Kneeling in front of mom's grave, I stroked the cold, damp tombstone gently whispered the story of Danial and I to mom.

Our story.

"Mom, I'm living happily now. I'll smile and never cry. Don't worry, mom. Lead a good life in another world."

It was already dark when we headed hoe. Danial held my hand tightly and I felt as ease with the warmth coming from his skin.

Suddenly, we stumbled across a girl crying in the park near to my house.

Before I could react, Danial had already freed his hand from mine and was already by the girl's side.

My hand dangled down, as if mourning over something.

The girl's tears were glistening in the darkness of the night. Danial wiped away her tears gently and she leaned on his broad shoulders for support.

"Shh. Alice, don't cry."

I couldn't bear to stand and watch anymore.

She was the person living in Danial's heart, while I was only pathetic outsider.

I left without his notice.

I couldn't control my loneliness as I trudged back home, alone.

It was my first time seeing Danial so panicky, and it was all so strange.

Placing my hand on my chest, I realized that there was a big hole at the spot where my heart used to be.

And it hurts, it really did.

***

Neither one of us brought up the incident that night.

One day, there was a massive blackout in the whole city and I requested for Danial's company. He agreed.

I knocked on his door when it was almost midnight. Before he could invite me in, I stood on tiptoes and kissed him on the lips.

"I love you," I said courageously, despite my quivering voice. I was glad that the darkness enveloped my whole being and he couldn't see my crimson face.

"Danice, listen. It's impossible to have a relationship between us. You will always be my little sister whom I dote on the most."

"Is it because of Alice?"

"Yes."

"Then enlighten me, how can I become the one and only sunflower in your heart?" I asked, staring straight into his gleaming beige eyes.

"You'd become one the day when you wouldn't need to rely on me anymore."

With that, the turned around and left.

I tried to control my inaudible sobs into the night.

Screw the promise.

Just allow me cry, just once.

Just once, nobody would know.

It would be the last time that I'll shed tears ever again.

I felt like a lifeless doll as I strolled home, tears still running down from my cheeks.

I've once read from a fairy tale that if a girl kissed her beloved boy at 12 midnight sharp, then they would have a fairy tale ending.

How I wished Danial was my prince in disguise.

I won't bother him anymore. In this way, I would learn to live on my own, and I wouldn't have to rely on him.

Tears blurred my vision as I walked on the busy streets of Chicago.

An abrupt honk shook me out of my thoughts.

A car was speeding towards me at alarming speed and I stood rooted to the ground.

The bustling city gradually faded to silence.

***

The world was completely dark.

Was it another blackout?

But I felt like I could still sense the presence of light in the room.

The familiar footsteps rang in my ears. Dad.

"Danice, you won't be able to to see for now, but you'll be fine once we get a cornea donor."

I flexed my fingers, but the lightness of my pinky caused all my blood rush to my head.

"It was very fortunate that you've only lost your pinky in this accident."

Dad was rambling on and on, but I couldn't hear anything that he was saying.

My pinky was gone.

Did that signify the ending of my pinky promise with Danial?

Then I shall fulfill it for the very last time.

Liftiing my tear-stained face, I smiled into the unknown direction of the sun.

I did what Danial had instructed me to do when we were young.

"You must always face the sun and smile."

And I did.

***

I felt dismayed for the first time in my life.

Why was Danial here to visit me?

"No, dad! No! Plase stop him from coming! No!" I screamed hysterically.

Danial shouldn't be seeing me vulnerable like this.

His sunflower should be strong, not in the state that I was in.

I heard his frantic tapping on thw indows and the door, but I chose to be oblivious to his frenzy.

Danice can never be Danial's sunflower anymore.

Danial, you must be good to Alice.

"I love you," I whispered quietly to the breeze stroking my face.

"Forget me."

***

"Bye, Danial,"
"Danice! Danice!" shouted Danial into the busy line of the phone.

***

After receicing a pair of cornea from a kind donor, I left the hospital

Hailing a taxi, I went to the sunflower field belonged to Danial and I.

Three years had passed. Miraculously, sunflowers covered the field, dancing to the rhythm of the wind.

Danial, the sunflowers look so beautiful, swaying in the wind.

I took out a piece of paper and wrote on it carefully in my best handwriting,

'Smile'

That will be the promise with myself that I shall keep, forever and always.

Forever and always.

Burying the slip of paper into the soil, a genuine grin spread over my face for the first time in months.

I guess that's it huh, Danial.

One day, I would be able to find my sunflower that had been waiting for me for years.

I knew I could. 

And how I wish you would be the one for me.

***

On my way to somewhere I don't know, I bumped into someone. Blame my mind for flying to nowhere when I was walking.

"Sorry miss, are you okay?"